i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
