I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
