I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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