I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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