I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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