dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize