Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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