How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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