I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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