life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
