bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
