Dual....:-)
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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