walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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