You just made me feel so damn special
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
