It's Friday. Sex?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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