Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
