Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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