don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
