and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
