Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
