i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
