so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize