i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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