Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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