My hand turned me down
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
