Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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