Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
