If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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