I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
