My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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