So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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