OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
