dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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