Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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