So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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