His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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