Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
