I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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