Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
