Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
