I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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