better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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