that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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