I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize