Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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