my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
