Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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