just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
