I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
