So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
