Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
