So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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