your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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