I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
