Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want nice things and good sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
