A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
