I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I intend to get homeless drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
