Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
