I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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