You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
