just tell him i said nine months
my sisters under your porch take her home
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
