i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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