we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
