Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
