Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
