So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They took my balls.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
