They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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