1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
