just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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