By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
