i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
