my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
