But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
