just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
