i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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