The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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